Julius Agwu Mocks Nigerian Pastors & The Witches/Wizards That Endorsed GEJ

So last night, Comedian Julius Agwu took a swipe at the Nigerian Pastors that tired to convince Nigerians to vote for former president Goodluck Jonathan in the past election.

While addressing guests at the red summit gala which held at the Harbor point, off Ahmadu Bello way, Victoria Island Lagos last night, he had this to say. 

"I know how many Nigerian Pastors are paid to pray for GEJ to make sure he came back as president, but their prayers were not answered."

He further said "Moreover, why was it mostly witches association that were endorsing him?
The so-called assocation of withes and wizards kept saying orishiriishi, claiming that GEJ is their man and that he will be the president but God pass them"

Moving on, he said "Please help tell president Buhari not to joke with this God that got him to the throne. As a matter of fact, we need to discard the first verse of the National anthem and stick with just the second stanza. We have been singing 'Arise o compatriots' for many years now but the compatriots are not arising biko...let us stick with stanza two 'O God of creation, direct our noble cuase'...let us be lik the Americans whose theme reads 'In God we trust'. That theme is really working for them despite all the bad things they do"

Rotimi Amaechi, Fayemi, Oby Ezekwesili were some of the dignitaries on seat while Julius cracked the jokes.

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Comedian Bovi shares his Last Night Experience with a Port Harcourt Prostitute!

I had just resumed school for second semester 300 level. This was February 2000. My mission was to storm port-harcourt from abraka and surprise my older sister who had just moved to another apartment. All I had was the address to the new apartment. I've always loved to pull surprises and this was my biggest one at the time. I arrived ph in the evening via public transport and traced her new place. Me wey plan to surprise my sister con surprise myself. She had not moved in. Her present address, I didn't have. Gsm; non-existent at the time, her office? Closed. I was practically stranded in the garden city. 

After recovering from my rude shock, I took the first 2 foolish decisions. I hailed a cab and told the can to take me to a happening joint. The type that runs all night. He told me it was a Tuesday, the happening joints really don't happen on Tuesday. I insisted there had to be one. Well he jad money to make, so he obliged me. We got there. Dead end. Even the band members and the Dj were off duty. We tried a second spot. No luck. By this time it was past 9pm. So it dawned on me that I should have been looking for a hotel. By the time I checked 2 hotels, I realized that had I not made wayward stops, I'd have been able to pay for a room. Think Bovi, think! I asked again where I could possibly chill till daybreak. A commercial nerve. Someone mentioned "opposite hotel presidential." When I got to hotel presidential; opposite it that is; I was relieved. The groove was real. Outdoor joints, several bar tenders. Pot bellied men with pretty women drinking away their stress. I found my spot, got a seat, weighed my purse and saw that my vex money had been severely eroded. I couldn't even afford a drink. But hey, I could watch. The ladies of the night were present on their droves(soliciting customers). It was a sight to behold. Of they got lucky, they hopped into vehicles of strange men. I enjoyed all I saw until it was midnight and the unexpected happened. All d joints started to lock up. On no time it was just me and the night nurses left on the road side.

"Why you no go stay hotel" "why you no go your sister house" "why she Neva pack go her new house?" I had answered all these questions repeatedly. By now I was with the security of the hotel, begging to share their space with them till the earliest signs of daylight. They weren't comfortable with me there. They had even suggested I go to ojuelegba, a spot on the famous Aba road that hosted a retinue of low class s*x workers (low in the sense that the better s*x workers were the ones who came opposite the hotel) I had turned down the idea politely. Five minutes later, a police patrol can sailed by slowly with "victims" of their raid of ojuelegba. I didn't believe my luck, assuming it was luck. Not long after, one of the busiest girls of the night walked into the security post. I had seen her severally that night. She had to be the busiest of the girls. Leave in a car, return in okada. That happened at least 4 times.she inquired what the problem was. For the 66th time, I narrated. She paused for a while. I had no idea what she was thinking. Then quietly she asked to see the contents of my bag. Two shirts, one trouser, soap can with blue long sponge and body cream. And identity card. Finish! She thought for a while again and then made me an offer. She asked me to follow her to her apartment. I wasn't sure what to do. Security didn't want me there. From their eyes I could tell this was my last offer. She "napkined" on the bike ride to her house. This was 2am. A small living room and a room with one bed ms living room was as small as the room. It had no furniture. She offered me her bed and slept on the floor. I tries to refuse but she will have none of it. I was her guest. I don't know if I really slept cos my legs remained on the floor with. Y back on d bed. By5 am I was up. She offered me water to shower but all I did was brush and wash my face. Her brother came in not long after without caring a second who I was, he went straight to sleep. As I made to leave, she untied an end of her wrapper, brought out a wad of notes and offered me 3 fifty naira notes. She bade me farewell.
Never to be seen again till this day.

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Hilarious Photo: Meet Davido Identical Twin Brother

 

Olaniyi Afonja Sanyeri, A comic yoruba nollywood actor posing like "OBO".

They resemble each other???

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This article is going to start another war! Lekki/Celeb Husbands -- By Etcetera (So Funny)

This is so one is interesting. loool
Hey Alfred’
‘Yes! Who be this?’
‘Ahan, you no get my number again? Na Frank dey talk.’
‘Hey Franko my guy.’
‘Alfred nawa oo, I don call you taya. Wetin happen wey you no gree pick my calls?’
‘Frank abeg no vex, I been dey inside one shop for “The Palms.”
‘Shuoo, person wey dey inside shop no dey pick calls again? Abi you dey with babe? Talk true.’
‘Frank abeg free me. No be babe mata dey do me now.’
‘Wetin happen Alfred? Why are you sounding like this today?’
‘Frank mehn, my wife don start her madness again. As I dey talk to you so, I wan leave her. I don taya I swear.’
‘Take am easy Alfred. Na the same wahala all of us wey marry celeb dey face. I even dey with Femi and Gbenga for here. If you hear their complaints, you sef go taya. Wait for us for “The Palms.” We go reach there in 30 minutes time.’
‘Hey Alfredoski my guy!’
‘Femi how far? Hey Gbenga, where you buy this nice shirt?’
‘O’boy na my wife buy am for me oo. How your beautiful wife naa Alfred? Frank yarn us as we dey come say una wahala don start again.’
‘Gbenga I swear, I don taya for that girl.’ ‘Mehn, this sun na die. Abeg make we find somewhere to chill and take some bottles.’
‘Oya Alfred, gist us wetin happen between you and your wife this time around? But wait first Alfred, before you talk about you and your wife mata, are you not supposed to be at work at this time of the day?’
‘Why are you sounding like this Frank? Haven’t I told you that I don’t go to work whenever my wife is having menstrual pains?’
‘So wetin you come dey do for “The Palms”?’
‘Bros, she sent me to buy her sanitary pads and some chocolate.’
‘Shuoo your wife don turn you to houseboy finish ooo. So you no go work today because your wife wan eat chocolate and wear pad? Wonders shall never end. Na so she send you the other day go collect her purse wey she forget for another man house for Ikoyi.’
‘Gbenga abeg leave Alfred alone make him gist us wetin really happen between him and his wife this morning. That is why we stopped over.’
‘Ok, guys I was enjoying my sleep jeje this early morning, wey my wife come back from God knows where and woke me up to go and bathe her daughter. Before I say make I open my eyes, she don sprinkle water for my face.’
‘WHAT!!! So wetin you come do am?’ ‘Nothing na! Abi una want make I beat her? The water wey she pour for my face no even vex me like that. Na the insult wey follow the water make me vex. Na small thing remain I for slap her I swear.’
‘Mehn Alfred you messed up big time. If na my wife, I for use slap shave her eyebrows.’
‘Frank abeg make I hear word. Ok, make I slap her so that she go use me do publicity abi? Make she tell the world say I be wife beater abi? You know that our yeye press men won’t even bother asking my side of the story before writing their usual nonsense.’
‘Alfred, you and your wife mata na comedy I swear.’
‘Femi, wetin make you dey laugh? Shebi you sef dey plan to marry celeb? No worry, we dey wait. Don’t forget you already told me the reason you want to marry your celebrity girlfriend is because you loved the way she acted in the movie called “Jennifa.” You told Frank just two days ago that you are not very sure if her divorce went through the legal process of annulment or if it was just a case of her ex husband telling her to get out of the house and never come back again. Better find out the true reason for her divorce and if it was legally done so you don’t go to jail for bigamy.’
‘It’s ok Alfred.’
‘No Frank, let me finish what I am saying. After all we are all going through the same mess married to female celebs who have several divorces under their belt.’ ‘From what we all have seen of our celebrity wives and colleagues, none of us can vouch for our wives. Most female celebs are serial-cheaters and polyandrous. Some of them have married so many times that if they had a certificate for each divorce, the walls of their living rooms would be covered with frames like the office of the vice chancellor of UNILAG. Gbenga, why are you so quiet? How’s your wife?’
‘Frank, she’s fine jare.’
‘Is she back from Enugu? I taya oo. I wonder how long they will take to shoot a movie. Hope she calls sha?’
‘She called yesterday asking me to help her wash the pants she soaked in the laundry room two weeks ago before she travelled?’
‘My God, Gbenga please tell us you didn’t wash them. Did you?’
‘Yes I did, but before I did, I told her it would be the last time I’d ever wash her pants.’
‘Abegii, make we hear word. Who you dey lie for? Mehn, we don suffer for our wives hands sha. Frank, we heard your ex wife spent 24,000 dollars on a yacht trip in Dubai a couple of days ago.’
‘Abeg make una let me hear word. She no fit afford such extravagance. Maybe she don catch another maga.’
‘Frank don’t tell us you are jealous. What makes you so sure that she can’t afford it? Didn’t you see my wife’s friend who just got divorced the other day in her brand new G-wagon and they say she has also bought a house for herself here in lekki?’
‘Gbenga you be mumu if you believe say na her money she take buy house and G-wagon. How much she dey collect per movie and how many movies she dey act?’
‘Abeg na dem sabi jare. Make I begin dey go. My wife go soon call to ask whether I don pick her daughter from school. I still get to cook for her and her friends this evening.’
‘Guys, me sef don waka oo, I no dey for my wife trouble. Femi, are you not going home? You wey go soon become the latest Lekki husband. But please make sure her previous marriage was legally annulled by a court of competent jurisdiction ok?’
‘You be our guy and we don’t want you to be like Gbenga whose marriage is illegal.’
‘Frank, better keep quiet there.’
‘Guys we go see later. Hey Alfredoski, take am easy with your wife oo.’

Source

Must Read: How i Bought a Brand New Galaxy Tablet @N10,600 and HP Laptop @30k [Brand New]

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Guess who?

He's one of the top comedians in Nigeria today...

Must Read: How i Bought a Brand New Galaxy Tablet @N10,600 and HP Laptop @30k [Brand New]

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Good News! Popular comedian Helen Paul delivers baby boy this morning

Helen Paul welcomed her second child, A baby Boy This Morning. Helen and husband Femi Bamisile got married in 2010 already have a 3 year old son. 

Big Congrats to them

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See Tuface And D'Banj Chilling with American Top Comedian Kevin Hart

This Is How Big Boys Roll!

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Comedian Bovi Show Off of his Beatiful mum as she turns a year older

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SAD!! Popular Nigerian Comedian Is Dead, after Spending 8 days In Coma! [Photos]

A Jos-based comedian/musician Longji Joseph popularly known as MC Longs has died, 8 days after he was involved in ghastly car accident.

He was driving around 8pm with a friend on November 6th from Barkin Ladi Local Govt Area of Plateau state when he was involved in the Dreadful road collision. He was rushed to the hospital where doctors detected he'd fractured a few limbs. He eventually fell into a coma and was put on life support.
 



He died last night November 14th. His friend survived the accident.

His is survived by a Very Young wife and two children.

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Etcetera Exposes Daddy Showkey, Basket Mouth, Sunday Oliseh & Others Dirty Secrets Back then in Kirikiri Town!

This article by Etcetera will bring Childhood memories back to You!

Enjoy Below..

Sometime during the week, I paid a visit to Kirikiri Town after a very long time. I grew up there as a little boy and it was there I had the fondest memories of my life. As soon as I got into town, word went round and friends started calling to find out where I was. I hooked up with my childhood best friend, Patrick, and we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather by going for a walk through the town to recall some of our funniest memories from childhood.

The first thing we laughed about was how Bright Okpocha, the comedian known as Basketmouth, took us along to steal his father’s fowl. We were four very close friends who practically did everything together. I lived in the prison barracks and I was always telling them mouth-watering stories of how those of us who lived there regularly made chicken pepper soup and plantain porridge with fowls in the barracks. I never knew Basketmouth was licking his lips to my stories all along until he called us one very beautiful morning to steal his father’s fowl. We got to his family house the next morning and executed the fowl like trained assassins. Basketmouth and myself were assigned to cook the jollof rice while Patrick and Godwin (Basketmouth’s immediate older brother) kept watch in case their mum got back from the market earlier than anticipated. After cooking, Basketmouth, thinking because he had the biggest eye balls among us demanded to be given the best part of the chicken.

We wasted no time in reminding him of his age compared with everyone else’s. We ate everything and thought that we had rid the house of any evidence that could have incriminated us. We didn’t realise that Basketmouth forgot to throw away the feathers of the fowl. Later in the day when we were gathered at another friend’s place recounting our exploits for the day, Basketmouth’s little brother walked up from nowhere and said their father was calling all of us. See gobe! We knew instantly that we had been caught and it was due to Basketmouth’s negligence.
 
The first thing the old man said when he saw us was “O Bright, you have eaten my heart.” We fought back laughter, fearing a double dose of whatever punishment we had coming. Oh! We teased Basketmouth and his brother Godwin with that line afterwards. We escaped without punishment. Thank God for his beautiful mum who pleaded on our behalf because she loved us all like her own. Patrick and I strolled further down town to the secondary school we attended and had a good laugh imitating Daddy Showkey, who was our senior in school and was always walking around the school premises, wearing bathroom slippers. His uniform was never tucked in but he was always punishing us for ‘flying’ our uniforms. The junior students dreaded him like hell. We talked about how the late Evangelist Sunny Okosuns was said to have been a very playful boy in one of the public primary schools in the town. On our way to the prison yard, we passed by the house where Rev. Kris Okotie grew up.

We talked about life in the prison barracks and how being the son of the chief warder of the maximum security prison gave me the opportunity to meet very influential Nigerians in the prison yard. I remember my dad taking me to say hello to General Shehu Yar’Adua one evening after his lawn tennis game. I watched him play lawn tennis almost every evening in the yard in his impeccable white shorts and T-shirt. And there were always a handful of prisoners helping with the stray balls. I witnessed the General yell at an overzealous prisoner who dashed into the court unnecessarily to retrieve a loose ball.

I also told my friend how Major Al Mustapha jokingly asked me what crime I had committed to be in the yard. I quickly informed him that I was the son of the chief warder. Till date, Major Al Mustapha is regarded as the best thing to have happened to the inmates of Kirikiri Maximum Security Prison by the inmates. He uplifted the spirits of the inmates by sponsoring various activities in the prison yard. He sponsored the prison football team and helped so many of the inmates gain their freedom. I always saw him seated by the side of the field cheering the players. Sometimes in the company of General Bamaiyi and Colonel Gwadabe, who were also inmates at the time. Other high profile inmates in the yard at that time were Fred Ajudua and Ade Bendel. Ade Bendel also rocked the prison yard with his swag. While other inmates wore ordinary prison uniforms, his was made of jeans and a well tailored shirt to match. They loved him like crazy for his benevolence. He built a hall for the prisoners and invited Basketmouth to perform. Basketmouth was scared to go alone and he asked me to accompany him, which I did.

We talked about life outside the barracks when my dad retired. How Yakubu Aiyegbeni moved in with a friend living in my compound. We always ‘yabbed’ him as he walked about the compound with his big ‘yansh.’ Till date, we are still amazed how he played so brilliantly and effortlessly with such a body size. Sunday Oliseh was a member of our senior football team. Members of the junior team were made to pick balls while the senior team trained. Coach Fanny Amun came to town at different times to plead with the father of a member of our senior team to play for him. That happened after a game the senior team of the town played against the national under 17 team, coached by Fanny Amun.

We also talked about how Victor Okechukwu Agali, who was known in Kirikiri Town and Satellite Town as “Okey Banana” made it from hawking bananas in the streets to playing football for Schalke 04 in Germany. And how happy we were collecting tips from Samson Siasia to watch over his car whenever he visited his brother who was doing time in prison. We talked about how we used to listen to team mates laugh about how they tortured Osaze Odemwingie while they played football at the Pepsi Academy. Back then, every player in our team had a crush on Ann Echiejine, the first goalie for the Falcons. She was a member of the town’s female football team. She joined us in training regularly and she became better for it. It seemed training with the male team improved her skills tremendously. We were always very happy to have body contact with her on the pitch.

I got back home that night, played a compilation CDs of old Nigerian reggae music and slept with the thought of how Victor Essiet got married to the late Becky Umanah, a girl from Kirikiri Town and they both became The Mandators.

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Lovely! Basketmouth & Family Enjoying Swimming Together

Basketmouth, his lovely wife Elsie and their two kids ,

Having Quality Family Time!!!

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TheTruth About Ali Baba Finally Reveals, (Things You Didn’t Know About Him)

 
Ali Baba, one of Nigeria’s foremost pioneers of comedy, was a guest on Olisa Adibua’s “The Truth” and he spoke about how he started his career:

He has become quite the compère as he has carved a niche himself as a comedian for both corporate and non-corporate events.

According to him, he has been in comedy officially for 25 years and he charges between N4million and free for his services.

Asked how much he made last year, he replied: “You get to a point in your career you don’t make as much, you do less shows and are involved in a lot of charity events. A lot more is expected of you.”

On who his favourite Nigerian comedian is, he mentioned four, Bovi, Basketmouth, Buchi and Gordons. “I judge comedians by different standards,” he said.

Asked how he deals with temptations, he said he has a criteria which are, the lady must have an MBA, be older than 45, own a house of her own on the Island, not a rented apartment and must be widely travelled. 

“She also has to have a cerebral endowment… Your mind should be robust enough for you and I to sit down switch off the TV and carry on a conversation for like 20-30 minutes and not run out of things to talk about,” he disclosed

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Comedian imposes no fly zone on Tyrese after he threatens to end his career

A few days after Tyrese threatened to end the career of Detroit comedian Spanky Hayes, after Spanky claimed Tyrese ducked sick (hehe) to get the leading role in Baby Boy, Spanky has replied Tyrese and he came out blazing.

In his own response video, Spanky imposes a No Fly Zone on Tyrese banning him from filming Transformers in Detroit. Spanky said:

"Tyrese why did you have to act like that? It was homosexual, the way you did your video. You know you done f**ked up? I didn't say you were gay mehn, but if you got a tattoo on your back of another ni**a hitting if from the back, that might mean be gay.

"Ever heard of the no-fly zone, ni**a? I'm from Detroit. If I can't go to Hollywood to perform at the Hollywood clubs, how about you can't go to Detroit and shoot transformers? When you sh*t, a whole car come out of your gay ass. That's why Suge Knight used to f**k your first baby mama"

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I’ll Do Everything to Keep My Marriage – Comedian AY Reveal

Ay The Comedia , recently spoke on the divorce syndrome in the entertainment industry with PUNCH writer, Geoff Iyatse. 

 “I revere marital fidelity and I believe if every couple can work at consciously making their homes work, there will be less sorrow in the land.
To emphasise his devotion to his family, the comedian said he would not allow his tight schedules come between him and his commitment to building a blissful marriage with his wife, Mabel.
“The craziness of my schedule is indeed a challenge but it is my duty to make quality time for my wife and that is what I strive to do to keep the relationship continually fresh,” he continued.
Notable names in the entertainment industry have been mentioned as possible candidates for different political offices in 2015. But AY said he would rather continue to fish in the entertainment industry than to ‘deflect’. AY said he would be making mistakes to seek new opportunities in politics simply because fellow entertainers were going that way, describing it as a game it did not understand.
“I do not know how to play the game at the moment”, he said to stress his resolve to stick to familiar turf. 

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Oh wow! Check out this major throwback pic of the top comedian Julius Agwu...[photos]

Top comedian Julius Agwu pictured with a friend when they were in secondary schools. Wow! I'm sure Julius will be shocked to see this pic...lol

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"You're done in this town" Tyrese threatens comedian who accused him of gay sex

Let me give you the gist from the beginning so you understand what's going on. Relatively unknown comedian Spanky Hayes (pictured right) went on radio some days ago to claim that Tyrese Gibson went the extra mile (sucking d***) to secure the lead role in Baby Boy...

Spanky told his listeners, 

"I had an audition it was 30 stars there. There were so many stars there that I was like, I don't f*ckin belong here. Three weeks later, it was me and another person - now we're the best two people that's there. He gets up he reads, I'm thinking 'F*ck, I'm not gonna get his.' Then I get up and I read, and I shock myself."

"We both sit down and the [producer] goes, 'I love both of you guys, both of you are talented. But which one of you guys is gonna suck my c*ck."

Please continue, it gets more interesting... 

"I busted out laughing because a m*thaf*cka ain't never talk to me like that. And what f*cked me up though is that other dude wasn't laughing. . . . And I looked at both of them, and was like aww hell naw. And to keep it real, he got the leading role . . .. BABY BOY." 

John Singleton produced and directed Baby Boy in 2003 and Hayes is basically saying Tyrese performed sexual favours to get the role. Well, Tyrese didn't find it funny one bit and went nuclear on the dude. He's went on Facebook to threaten Spanky in a video. What he said below...

"I was at home minding my own business and woke up to Gay rumors about me and my bro Morris Chestnut ..... It's over for you dude. You're done in this town. "

"There are some dumb ass people in this world that will be doing some dumb shit. What man wakes up and says 'you know what?, today I want to end my career. Today, I want to figure out a way to stop my kids from eating. Today, I want to commit career suicide." You know you done f**ked up, right?"

Tyrese continues

"The role for Baby Boy was written by John Singleton for 2pac. When 2pace was killed, John had only one person in mind. It wasn't them...it wasn't you, nigga it was me! Let's go even further. I did audition but it wasn't the audition that you claimed. The audition I did was me who already had the role for Baby Boy showing up to an audition to find the woman who will play my mother and we discovered my favorite woman, Taraji Henson. So at what point did it narrow down to you vs me? You just said some dumb-ass shit"

"Let's do the maths. I'm 35 years old. How old are you? which means if we do the numbers, when the auditions that you claim happened went down, you were probably around 13 years old. Which in your mind, you auditioned for the movie called Baby Boy and John Singleton wanted an actual baby boy in the movie. Anybody who has seen the movie will tell you its about a grown ass man who still lives at home with his mama. You know you done f**ked up, right?

"Let me just tell you something...it's over! You didn't have a career at first but it definitely just ended. You're never going to perform at chocolate factory (mentions other places) You're never going to do any other thing that up coming comedians needs to do in other to get their career off ground. It's over for you dude"

Tyrese shot the video while walking around his mansion in a fur robe and smoking a cigar.

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Comedian Hannibal Burruss calls Bill Cosby a rapist...many times!

I love Bill Cosby and I don't like it when people disrespect him. And that was exactly what comedian Hannibal Burruss did during his stand up comedy routine in Philadelphia some days ago. The Eric Andre Show co-host, refered to Bill Cosby as a rapist. What he told the crowd below.

"Bill Cosby has the f–ing smuggest old black man public persona that I hate. ‘Pull your pants up, black people. I was on TV in the '80s. I can talk down to you because I had a successful sitcom.’ 

"Yeah, but you raped women, Bill Cosby. So, it brings you down a couple notches….I don't curse on stage. But yeah, you're a rapist.”

“I want to just at least make it weird for you to watch ‘Cosby Show' reruns. If you don't know about it, trust me. When you leave here, Google ‘Bill Cosby rape.’ That shit has more results than Hannibal Buress.”

Not nice Hannibal. Of course he's gotten a lot of backlash for the comments but he's yet to apologize.

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